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If your friend is a total boozehound who won’t step foot anywhere that doesn’t visibly look like it can keep him properly imbibed – don’t cringe when he suggests “dinner” at one of his favorite dives. Instead steer him to one of the following bars – that just happen to dish out excellent food as well.

WEST VILLAGE
Blind Tiger Ale House
[281 Bleecker St.] [212.462.4682]

This brew pub with a barnyard feel serves a fantastic banh mi, “Bloody Beast” (a neat little roast beef slider with cheddar, red onion, and bloody mary sauce) deviled eggs, and a Murray’s cheese plate. Just as enticing are the 28 beers on tap – and the fact you can pack one up in a growler for home.

EAST VILLAGE
Jimmy’s No. 43
[43 E. 7th St.] [212.982.3006]

He will like the beer sausage, mussels in beer, and excellent selection of German, Belgian, and American craft beers. You’ll like that everything is organic, locally sourced, and positively delicious. The menu changes nightly – so try as much as you can… and wash it down with a cold one.

PARK SLOPE
Beer Table
[427 7th Ave.] [718.965.1196]

Delicious and decidedly dedicated to beer – this Park Slope favorite has excellent food as well. Even better, make reservations for this Monday and be there when they partner with Saxelby Cheesemongers. Fifty dollars gets you five brews and five cheeses (all which promise to be superbly curated and delightfully interesting: Italian-made, Belgian-style beer paired with American-made, Italian-style cheese.)

WEST VILLAGE
Wilfie & Nell
[228 W. 4th St.] [212.242.2990]

Saddle up with a sidecar and Berkshire pork sliders, scotch and scotch eggs, a beer and a corned-beef sandwich, and assorted bacon-y things with well more assorted bacon-y things. The drinks are well-constructed, the crowd pretty, and the kitchen happily open until 2am.

Instead of the usual resolutions:

1. Lose 20 lbs because you’ve turned into a Christmas ham.
2. Go to the gym (so #1 can be possible.)
3. Eat out less (because you’re broke and wasted money on yet another gym membership you’ll never use.)
4. Anything to do with “getting” or “keeping” a man.

Why not seek out the holy grail of food? Because really nothing about 1-4 sounds like any fun at all.

EAST VILLAGE
Momofuku Ko
[163 First Ave.] [No Phone.]

Because even if your fingers and luck are both on their A-game at 10 am to land you one of the 12 heavily sought after seats – there is still the $100 to pay for it (although with 10 courses and David Chang’s godly inventiveness it is really quite a good deal.) So start packing PB&J, save your lunch money, do some finger crunches (or bribe someone at Time Warner to accidentally shut off internet to everyone save you and Mr. Chang) and then please – take me.

ROVING
Mister Softee
[Various Locations.] [No Phone.]

After a failed summer ’08 chasing every truck that went through the neighborhood in hopes of the elusive blueberry dipped cone we will not accept defeat in ’09. Having been spotted on a truck at McCarron Pool but never materializing the hunt is on. Keep us posted if you spy the rare creation yourself.

WEST VILLAGE
The Waverly Inn
[16 Bank St.] [No Phone.]

Not that I think the mac and cheese could possibly justify a near $50 price tag – or the exclusivity that surrounds the Graydon Carter’s Waverly Inn. But perhaps they could just instate reservations so that we don’t have to read about it so much. And yes, you can just show up early, smile sweetly and hope that they’ll let you in – but is it even possible to enjoy truffle fries wondering if you’ve been seated in less posh “Siberia” section?

PROSPECT HEIGHTS, BROOKLYN
The Garden Café
[620 Vanderbilt Ave.] [718.857.8863]

Okay- so you have to peer through a window and closed gate to see if this restaurant is open (dinner only and subject to the owners’ vacations) which is slightly intimidating for a restaurant that otherwise is defined by its unassuming grace. Call ahead instead and gain entry to what is rumored to be one of loveliest – and more economical restaurants – at only $32 for three courses.

For when you are smoking mad and just need to light something on fire. Bypass the felony and release your inner pyromaniac at one of these flame-friendly restaurants. Fantastic food, cocktails and conversation will have you feeling like yourself in no time. And perhaps next time you are feeling burned up inside- you’ll automatically reach for a fork instead of a matchbook.

EAST VILLAGE
Bourgeois Pig
[111 E. 7th St.] [212.475.2246]

A pig’s head door knocker and slight host are the only identifiers at this East Village restaurant. Put your name in and head across the street to their former location and current wine and ceviche bar. Once inside antique armchairs and lavish wallpaper set the stage for sweet and savory fondues- including an especially delicious seasonal Pumpkin Raclette. Meticulously concocted champagne punch is served in a silver punch bowl- and a delight.

MIDTOWN WEST
Wonjo
[23 W. 32nd St.] [212.695.5815]

Charcoal tabletop grills make this the Korean BBQ spot to go to when other neighborhood places have replaced theirs with gas. The smoke filled room and 24 hour policy makes this the perfect retreat for cocktails and DIY grilling that will make you feel very far from home.

WEST VILLAGE
August
[359 Bleecker St.] [212.929.8727]

While you won’t actually get to play with the fire- you can saddle up near enough to it. The wood burning oven is the focus here and turns out first-rate dishes including slow cooked pig, roasted beets, sweetbreads, and an Alsatian onion and bacon tart that is to die for.

MIDTOWN EAST
Gyu-Kaku
[805 3rd Ave.] [212.702.8816]

The Japanese take on Korean BBQ. You pick your meat (including kobe beef, short ribs, skirt steak, and tongue.) And start grilling. Almost everything comes in convenient foiled packets that you throw on the grill (try the garlic mushrooms or asparagus.) There are even s’mores for dessert. Brunch and lunch will get you the best deals.

Thanksgiving is here! Which does not mean going to a restaurant for your holiday meal (I don’t care how small your apartment is or how well [fill-in-your-own-restaurant] does it- it’s still sad.) However, after you come out of your Thursday turkey coma and think that you need a least a year before you do that to yourself again. Don’t be fooled- head to one of these restaurants and get another fix.

WEST VILLAGE
The Little Owl
[90 Bedford St.] [212.741.4695]

If you are feeling slightly cheated by your mother’s assault on Thanksgiving (dry turkey, rehydrated potato flakes, and some limp green beans) call a do-over and enjoy some fancier autumnal eats. Start with a bibb salad dressed with pumpkin seed vinaigrette. And then take comfort in the crispy chicken, brussel sprouts, and side of bourbon, maple squash. Finish with the delightful pear crisp.

HARLEM
Sylvia’s
[328 Lenox Ave.] [212.996.0660]

This soul food institution, in addition to glorious ribs and fried chicken, doles out thanksgiving staples – candied yams, mashed potatoes and sweet potato pie – all year long. And if you are against baked chicken as a stand in you can always head up on a Thursday for stewed turkey wings and cornbread dressing.

FORTE GREENE, BROOKLYN
Jive Turkey
[441 Myrtle Ave.] [718.797.1688]

Stop whining that your brother once again stole the turkey leg and head to this turkey factory to get yours. Pick up a combination of fried turkey parts, mashed potatoes, cornbread dressing and yam brulee. Better yet- schedule a second Thanksgiving (with people you can actually stand) and choose from fifteen variations on the full bird including: peach bourbon, red wine cranberry and Cajun.

UPPER WEST SIDE
Kitchenette
[1272 Amsterdam] [212.531.7600]

While it is certainly recommended that you get your fill of turkey meatloaf, mashed potatoes, greens, and gravy – it is the pies here that take center stage. Indulge in first-rate berry, chocolate pecan, pumpkin and classic double-crusted apple by the slice… or the pie. And downtowners don’t need to fret- there is a second location at 156 Chambers St..

Six hours of dancing and god knows how many cocktails find you at someone else’s apartment with a piercing headache and pretty foggy recollection of the last 12 hours. Before embarking on your walk of shame- share some grub and awkward conversation at one of these brunch spots.

WEST VILLAGE
Good
[89 Greenwich Ave.] [212.691.8080]

After a night of behaving badly, you are certainly going to need something good. Cheddar cornbread, buttermilk biscuits, and orange sour-cream donuts make it hard to even get past the bread menu. If you do the country frittata, lemon ricotta pancakes, or the goodegg sandwhich will be your reward. And as there is no real chance of you ever making it in before eleven- you can enjoy the brilliant green chili mac and cheese from the lunch menu.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Essex
[120 Essex St.] [212.533.9616]

Hair of the dog. Start right back up with this booze brunch. $16 buys you one of their brunch entrees and three drinks (although when you add in mid-glass fillings it is often even more.) Try the crispy potato pancakes, bannas foster French toast, or Mexican Matzo Brei. And don’t worry; even the few people that made it home- are still liable to be wearing their outfit from the night before.

WILLIAMSBURG, BROOKLYN
Egg
[135 N. 5th St.] [718.302.5151]

Biscuits and gravy, cheese grits, and hash browns will help soak up the alcohol from the night before. And the fact that everything is from local producers will make you feel better about the massive amounts you will consume. Try the Eggs Rothko (a soft cooked egg tucked in brioche and topped with melted cheddar) happily broiled tomatoes make the menu as well.

CHELSEA
Cookshop
[156 Tenth Ave.] [212.924.4440]

Don’t even bother trying to remember how you made it to Chelsea. Simply indulge in beignets, skillet eggs, cornmeal pancakes, twice-smoked bacon and even a jelly donut. The Chilaquilles (baked eggs Huevos Rancho style) are top notch. And if you are feeling revitalized head to a nearby gallery for a proper date.

Dinner with the Ex. Whether it is for closure (or just to get your damn stuff back) you’re going to need a physical place to meet – and one that:

1. isn’t romantic
2. isn’t in either one of your neighborhoods (to save you from a too-close-to-home accidental hook-up)
3. and certainly no place you used to frequent as a “we”

Make nice and not out at one of these choice restaurants.

PROSPECT HEIGHTS, BROOKLYN
Franny’s
[295 Flatbush Ave.] [718.230.0221]

Not that pizza and wine at the ever-charming Franny’s can’t be romantic- but there are enough focus points: the bright room, the presence of families, to remind you that it doesn’t have to be. Concentrate on the pizza – the Tomato, Olio Verde and Sea Salt, and the Mozzarella, Garlic and Basil (unlike your ex) will never let you down.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Barrio Chino
[253 Broome St.] [212.228.6710]

Fantastic salsas, guacamole, tacos, mole and house-infused tequilas will put you in a much better mood – and the lively noise level will help prevent him from launching into a why-did-you-dump-me monologue. An added precaution: if your eyes do start to water- you can always blame it on the spicy habanero-grapefruit margarita.

WEST VILLAGE
The Spotted Pig
[314 W. 11th St.] [212.620.0393]

The in between meals meal is the perfect time to meet up with an ex- you have an excuse to look fabulous because of course you have plans after (and to be safe actually make plans so that he doesn’t turn into them.) And thankfully April Bloomfield’s in between meals menu includes the Roquefort burger to provide all the comfort you need.

UPPER WEST SIDE
The Mermaid Inn
[568 Amsterdam Ave.] [212.799.7400]

Hit up their classic New England fish fry on a Wednesday night and indulge in fish and chips, creamed corn, hush puppies and cole slaw. If the $18 price tag doesn’t make you feel better about losing your meal ticket – than the $2 PBRs will.

You were stood up by Mr. Evidently Not The One, passed over for a promotion for some young Ben Brownoser, and bailed on by your guy best friend for his new fling. Cure your man-hating mood at one of these top kitchens helmed by lady chefs. And while you may not be ready to forgive and forget you’ll definitely remember there are much more delicious things to think about.

EAST VILLAGE
Prune
[54 E. 1st St.] [212.677.6221]

You could hit up brunch with the girls and bash boys over house-made lamb sausage, a fried oyster omelet and ten kinds of Bloody Marys (complete with a Red Stripe chaser). Or you could go for the bacon and marmalade sandwich at lunch- or for crispy sweetbreads and roast chicken at dinner. Any of the above will make you an immediate convert to Gabrielle Hamilton’s brilliant elevation of home cooking.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Little Giant
[85 Orchard St.] [212.226.5047]

Two ladies for the price of one! Owners Tasha Garcia and Julie Taras utilize green-market produce and artisanal purveyors to dole out delightful comfort food including bourbon-molasses short ribs, teleggio polenta and truly addictive buttermilk biscuits.

WEST VILLAGE
Pearl Oyster Bar
[18 Cornelia St.] [212.691.8211]

Rebecca Charles pretty much introduced New York to the lobster roll. And her perpetually packed restaurant continues to dish out New England favorites including ultra rich clam chowder, fried oysters, and her famous lobster roll.

WILLIAMSBURG
Marlow & Sons
[81 Broadway] [718.384.1441]

While the name reads male heirs, it is Caroline Fidanza who mans this kitchen (as well as Diner’s, next door). Start with superbly curated meats, cheeses, oysters and well-crafted cocktails. Then move on to the delightful seasonal specials that round out their short list of entrees.

So you’ve scored a date with the online lady of your dreams only to wake up realizing you have pinkeye, a lazy eye, acne or some other mild deformity that was obviously altered out of your match.com profile. Slip into one of these dimly lit eateries before she has time to write you off without learning your personality is lacking as well.

PROSPECT HEIGHTS, BROOKLYN
Beast
[638 Bergen St.] [718.399.6855]

The dungeon-esq room and monsters on the wall will do much to soften your shortcomings. And the food will highlight your good taste. Enjoy inventive tapas categorized by element, excellent Spanish cheeses, and a thoughtful wine list. If you chance to spend the night (or strike out bitterly) you can always return for brunch the next morning where chorizo hash and a bloody mary will comfort you.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Suba
[109 Ludlow St.] [212.982.5714]

Head down to the “Grotto” dining room where you can enjoy highly crafted small plates and super creamy rice dishes a top a pool of water. If octopus is on the menu order it- while the tentacles may look like they crawled out of the moat beside you, the crispy suction cups and succulent interior will have both you and your date cheering bravery and its delicious rewards.

WEST VILLAGE
Camaje
[85 MacDougal St.] [212.673.8184]

What better way to trick a blind date than to actually blindfold them? This West Village French-American bistro does just that at their special “Dark Dining” dinners. And while it might be tricky to get the blindfold on before the introduction- the four-course meal will give you plenty of time to woo your date’s four remaining senses.

MIDTOWN WEST
Amalia
[85 MacDougal St.] [212.673.8184]

Enjoy cocktails and snacks in the dimly lit subterranean lounge D’Or. Or if you’re ready to confront your subconscious (and a bit more light) head upstairs for dinner at Amalia (aptly named after Freud’s mother.) There you can dine on Mediterranean food and avoid eye contact by gazing at the paintings mounted on the ceiling.

If your date is afraid of a crowd (or of running into his “soon-to-be-ex”) head to one of these super tiny restaurants and introduce yourself to the six other people you’ll be dining with. Let’s just hope he isn’t claustrophobic as well.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Zucco: Le French Diner
[188 Orchard St.] [212.677.5200]

Cozy up in this tiny room where even the wine glasses are miniature (and with Cote de Rhone being a mere $24 a bottle you will be refilling often.) Classic salads and sandwiches (frisee aux lardon and la croque madam are favorites) accompany moules frites, duck confit, and hearty specials.

EAST VILLAGE
Degustation Wine & Tasting Bar
[239 E. 5th St.] [212.979.1012]

Sixteen seats hug an open kitchen that turns out divine small plates. Meander through croquets, poached eggs, and grilled quail on your own or opt for the $50 five-course chef’s tasting. The unobtrusive setting, service, and sound levels are the perfect escape from a crowd.

WEST VILLAGE
Little Havana
[30 Cornelia St.] [212.255.2212]

This hole-in-the-wall, closet-sized Cuban spot is so small that you have to traipse through the kitchen to use the restrooms. But don’t let that discourage you. What the room lacks in size, the kitchen more than makes up for in flavor. Enjoy first-rate ropa vieja, arroz con pollo, and rice and beans.

UPPER WEST SIDE
Voza
[949 Columbus Ave.] [212.666.8602]

While the menu here may seem a bit schizophrenic (it bills itself as French-Italian but really falls all over the map.) The key is to order anything that seems like a southern favorite (even if the mac and cheese is disguised as “macaroni aux deux fromages.”) The crab cakes, pork chop, and roasted corn are all stellar. And the four tables and unassuming neighborhood means the only crowds you will fight here are the locals.

So your parents – regardless of how many times you insist that Little Italy has been eaten by Chinatown and is nothing but a tourist trap – manage to drag you there on their twice yearly visits. Lure them away from Mulberry St. with these choice restaurants. And while they may not see chicken parm on the menu they will find charm, delicious food, and yes, even a little of grandma’s sauce. They won’t be mentioning Little Italy again.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Frankies Spuntino
[17 Clinton St.] [212.253.2303]

Squeeze into this tiny Clinton St. restaurant early and be greeted by crusty bread and absolutely lovely olive oil (if you’re so tempted, it is $25.00 to bring a litter of it home.) Start with a sampling of cheeses, cured meets, and vegetable antipastos. You’ll love the home made cavatelli with hot sausage (or lamb ragu if available) and your parents will be thrilled to see that the old-fashioned meatball made the menu.

WEST VILLAGE
OTTO Enoteca Pizzeria
[1 Fifth Ave.] [212.995.9559]

Use Mario Batali’s Food Network stardom to get out of Little Italy and into his delightfully casual Italian venture. The room is warm and noisy with a buzzing wine bar and patrons passing their dishes around the table. Join in and order everything family style and enjoy fantastic selections of vegetables, pastas, and thin-crust pizzas. Finish the night off with creative gelato (including: olive oil, strawberry balsamic, and sweet corn.)

CHELSEA
Scarpetta
[355 W. 14th St.] [212.691.0555]

You cannot get any simpler than spaghetti with tomato and basil; and you certainly would be hard pressed to find a more delicious version. Indulge in excellently prepared food and a surprisingly reasonable wine list under the retractable glass roof. And be sure not to miss the delightful raviolini and crispy frito misto.

CLINTON HILL, BROOKLYN
Locanda Vini e Olli
[129 Gates Ave.] [718.622.9202]

This pharmacy turned Tuscan eatery (picture: apothecary drawers not your neighborhood Duane Reade) is one of the most charming rooms in town. Your parents will feel right at home as they order “for the table” to begin. Enjoy inventive antipasti, main dishes and a wide range of toothsome and well sauced pastas. You will find plenty of reasons to return, with or without your parents (or a prescription.)