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When you’re feeling forty-six percent of one thing, forty-eight percent of another, and have no idea what even happened to the missing eight percent maybe its time to try somewhere that does not stay within the defined lines. Head to one of these restaurants that excel in balancing their delicious duality (or three-ality.) And be perfectly content to be all mixed-up.

EAST VILLAGE
Matilda
[647 E. 11th St.] [212.777.3355]

The love child of a Tuscan and Mexican husband/wife team (and aptly named after their actual child) play tricks on both cuisines in their fusion restaurant. There is basil in the guacamole, mozzarella in the quesadillas and Prosecco in the mojito. The key is to forget any rustic yearnings for either cuisine and simply enjoy the quirky (and often quite delightful) combinations.

HARLEM
Talay
[701 W. 135th St.] [212.491.8300]

Two cuisines and two chefs makes Talay really two restaurants in one- but one where neither chef can fully resist the other’s ingredients. Chef Phojanakong of Kuma Inn handles the Thai dishes, while Chef Schwader mans the Latin. The result is being able to get both summer rolls and plantains, beef brisket and lemongrass-garlic baby back ribs.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Les Enfants Terribles
[37 Canal St.] [212.777.7518]

Moroccan. Brazilian. French. You can travel three continents in the course of one meal at this bistro tucked at the southern tip of Ludlow St. The appetizers are small, fussily constructed, and best not shared. The entrees are much more substantial with chicken tangine, casbah lamb, Brazillian fish stew, and typically a confit special rounding out the menu.

FORT GREENE
Abistro
[154 Carlton Ave.] [718.855.9455]

Chef Abdoul Gueye brings you Senegal by way of a French bistro (with a little Asian and American comfort food mixed in.) Indulge in expertly seasoned Sengalese fried chicken, moules frites (in a lemongrass broth), plantain gnocchi, and the absolutely superb spicy bread pudding.

You were stood up by Mr. Evidently Not The One, passed over for a promotion for some young Ben Brownoser, and bailed on by your guy best friend for his new fling. Cure your man-hating mood at one of these top kitchens helmed by lady chefs. And while you may not be ready to forgive and forget you’ll definitely remember there are much more delicious things to think about.

EAST VILLAGE
Prune
[54 E. 1st St.] [212.677.6221]

You could hit up brunch with the girls and bash boys over house-made lamb sausage, a fried oyster omelet and ten kinds of Bloody Marys (complete with a Red Stripe chaser). Or you could go for the bacon and marmalade sandwich at lunch- or for crispy sweetbreads and roast chicken at dinner. Any of the above will make you an immediate convert to Gabrielle Hamilton’s brilliant elevation of home cooking.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Little Giant
[85 Orchard St.] [212.226.5047]

Two ladies for the price of one! Owners Tasha Garcia and Julie Taras utilize green-market produce and artisanal purveyors to dole out delightful comfort food including bourbon-molasses short ribs, teleggio polenta and truly addictive buttermilk biscuits.

WEST VILLAGE
Pearl Oyster Bar
[18 Cornelia St.] [212.691.8211]

Rebecca Charles pretty much introduced New York to the lobster roll. And her perpetually packed restaurant continues to dish out New England favorites including ultra rich clam chowder, fried oysters, and her famous lobster roll.

WILLIAMSBURG
Marlow & Sons
[81 Broadway] [718.384.1441]

While the name reads male heirs, it is Caroline Fidanza who mans this kitchen (as well as Diner’s, next door). Start with superbly curated meats, cheeses, oysters and well-crafted cocktails. Then move on to the delightful seasonal specials that round out their short list of entrees.

You swooned over his love of animals. And then realized you really missed eating them. When tofu gets old send your new boy packing. After all, a life without cheese (or pork belly, for that matter) may not be worth living.

HARLEM
Dinosaur Bar-B-Que
[646 W. 131st St.] [212.694.1777]

Ravage the flesh off the bone of first-rate pork ribs while your “date” imagines ghostly cries from the former meat factory. With an actual menu heading of, “pulled, sliced, and chopped meats” there will be no mistaking your carnivore intentions. Enjoy Texas brisket, a “big ass pork plate”, and pretty awesome chicken wings – and if you’re feeling generous throw a celery stick to your now just “friend.”

EAST VILLAGE
Momofuku Ssäm Bar
[207 Second Ave.] [212.254.3500]

Home to the whole pork butt, pig’s head torchon, offal and cauliflower that I am quite sure is probably fried in pork’s fat as well. The menu has recently been upgraded from “We do not serve vegetarian-friendly items” to “we have few.” But don’t be fooled, you’ll be in for a wonderful porky treat, and your date will be out the door.

GRAMERCY
Casa Mono
[52 Irving Place] [212.253.2773]

Pass plates of pigs feet, bone marrow, tripe and cock’s combs tapas style. And then pry the sweet corn out of his vegan grip to round out your meal. In the end say it just isn’t going to work out, after all, he hasn’t been very good at sharing.

WILLIAMSBURG
Fette Sau
[354 Metropolitan Ave.] [718.963.3404]

If the 700 pounds of meat coming out of the smoker doesn’t send him running for the hills he might be open to changing his herbivore ways. Your food will be served by weight and on butcher paper. Slather the sauce on, grab a beer, and toast to “fat pigs.”

Going out to eat with a vegan typically consists of them scavenging the menu for the one “vegan” item and then praying it isn’t sitting atop a giant slab of meat in the kitchen -OR- going to a vegan restaurant where you have to pretend that the soy-flavored-cardboard is a fair replacement for chicken fingers. Take dinner back at one of these haute vegan eateries- you’ll be impressed that the food is actually food- and they, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of choice.

GRAMERCY
Pure Food & Wine
[54 Irving Place] [212.477.1010]

With a lovely garden, a kitchen that doesn’t cook anything over 118 degrees, and a highly-crafted delectable menu of “raw” food- your date couldn’t be happier than if Thumper was sitting on the table sharing his meal with him. Dishes are prepared with blenders, dehydrators, and good old fashioned knives and whisks. Even the vegan desserts (which normally are more a punishment than a reward) impress.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Teany
[90 Rivington St.] [212.475.9190]

Stop in for afternoon tea for two and sample scones and sandwiches (such as a BLT with tempeh bacon and veganaise.) Additional offerings include a wide variety or salads, sandwiches, and an amazing gazpacho with avocado and mango. For an additional sweet treat head 3 blocks south to Babycakes (248 Broom St.) to indulge in delightful gluten, wheat, dairy, egg, and soy free cupcakes (that are remarkably awesome.)

EAST VILLAGE
Counter
[105 1st Ave.] [212.982.5870]

Toast organic martinis featuring house-made vodka infusions (from herbs grown in their rooftop garden of course.) The room is warm and chic and the menu is far from your usual crunchy-granola fare. The cauliflower risotto, tornados of seitan, vegetable b’steeya, and “burger” (wild mushroom pate) are favorites and with hundreds of organic wines to choose from this date could go quite late into the night.

UPPER EAST SIDE
Candle 79
[154 E. 79th St.] [212.537.7179]

Settle into plush seats and romantic lighting and eat seitan, quinoa, and tempeh until your heart is content. And while cashew “sour cream” on zucchini enchiladas is certainly not the same as the real thing- you and your date with certainly appreciate the attention paid to all the extras. For dessert hope the vegan nutter butter ice cream is part of that night’s sorbet and ice cream tasting.

For some people, a meal without dessert just isn’t a meal. And for others (apparently nursed on Karo syrup) a walk, a block, or a talk without eight small cookies is unbearable. Pacify them with one of the following quick sweet stops, which are sure to satisfy (at least for the moment.)

UPPER WEST SIDE
Bouchon Bakery
[10 Columbus Circle] [212.823.9366]

Oh the glorious, glorious “Nutter Butter.” It’s massive! It’s heavenly! And it’s apparently made with Skippy peanut butter (check out the recipe.) But yes, Thomas Kellar’s Time Warner Center bakery turns out some delightful treats. And the saucer-sized Nutter Butter is a perfect place to start.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Sugar Sweet Sunshine
[126 Rivington St.] [212.995.1960]

While the cupcakes are tempting (and justly so, they are delicious) once you have the banana pudding there is just no going back. So enjoy all the pistachio, pumpkin, and red velvet cupcakes you can before making the switch. There is just something so addictive about the combination of pudding, ‘nilla wafers, bananas, and cupcake parts that makes other treats seem less sweet.

EAST VILLAGE
Dessert Club (AKA: Chikalicious Puddin’)
[204 E. 10th St.] [212.475.0929]

Who doesn’t appreciate when fancy dessert gods tackle the common sweet? And while Chikalicious Dessert Bar has delightful mutli-course treats- it is their outpost across the street that churns out the perfect portable pick-me-up. Try the brioche bread pudding – it’s lovely.

UNION SQUARE
Wafels & Dinges
[14th St. & 3rd Ave.] [646.257.2592]

Just try walking past this dessert truck without giving into the wafting scent of warm Belgian waffles. Choose your waffle and your “dinges” (strawberries, whipped cream, nutella, dulce de leche, maple syrup, and chocolate syrup) douse with powered sugar and enjoy. Additional locations include Midtown, Williamsburg, and Fort Greene.

This is for the friend you almost killed during the forth of July fireworks because while everyone else said “ahhh” she said “strontium carbonate! barium chloride!” Impress her with some molecular gastronomy (she’ll like the phrase even if the following chefs do not) and prepare to listen to her gush excitedly as she dissects what lasers, chemical powders, flash freezing, and “glue” went into each course.

LOWER EAST SIDE
wd-50
[50 Clinton St.] [212.477.2900]

Wylie Dufresne’s cutting-edge cooking is what got New York in such a tizzy over beakers in the kitchen in the first place. But rest assured, he is certainly more chef than chemist and the odd combinations while head-scratching are generally delightful (popcorn soup!) Indulge in the tasting menu or choose your courses by ingredients that strike your fancy just don’t second guess if they go with what they are paired with (somehow, they always do.)

SOHO
Tailor
[525 Broome St.] [212.334.5182]

Sam Mason, former dessert chef of wd-50, struck out on his own blending sweet, savory, and all sorts of tricks at his soho eatery. The combinations may seem absurd (mango ravioli, mustard gnocchi, marrow beads) but when it works it really works. The pork belly with miso butterscotch is heavenly and the crumble cocktail (brown butter, rum, and cloves) almost makes me wish for cold weather.

UPPER WEST SIDE
Jean Georges
[1 Central Park West] [212.299.3900]

Executive pastry chef, Johnny Iuzzini, does way more than just cookies. Utilizing everything from sugar to hydrocolloids and whisks to medical equipment he creates such inventive desserts as rhubarb noodles and Meyer lemon flexi-curd.

EAST VILLAGE
PDT
[113 St. Mark’s Pl.] [212.614.0386]

Your friend may just have to change what she’s mixing after tasting Jim Meehan’s cocktails (bacon-infused bourbon, really? genius.) This secret bar is accessed through a vintage telephone booth in Crif Dogs. Even better, you can order off their menu- pair your cocktail with the Wylie Dog (complete with deep-fried mayo, freeze-dried onions, and tomato molasses) and thank your chemistry teacher.

So you’ve scored a date with the online lady of your dreams only to wake up realizing you have pinkeye, a lazy eye, acne or some other mild deformity that was obviously altered out of your match.com profile. Slip into one of these dimly lit eateries before she has time to write you off without learning your personality is lacking as well.

PROSPECT HEIGHTS, BROOKLYN
Beast
[638 Bergen St.] [718.399.6855]

The dungeon-esq room and monsters on the wall will do much to soften your shortcomings. And the food will highlight your good taste. Enjoy inventive tapas categorized by element, excellent Spanish cheeses, and a thoughtful wine list. If you chance to spend the night (or strike out bitterly) you can always return for brunch the next morning where chorizo hash and a bloody mary will comfort you.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Suba
[109 Ludlow St.] [212.982.5714]

Head down to the “Grotto” dining room where you can enjoy highly crafted small plates and super creamy rice dishes a top a pool of water. If octopus is on the menu order it- while the tentacles may look like they crawled out of the moat beside you, the crispy suction cups and succulent interior will have both you and your date cheering bravery and its delicious rewards.

WEST VILLAGE
Camaje
[85 MacDougal St.] [212.673.8184]

What better way to trick a blind date than to actually blindfold them? This West Village French-American bistro does just that at their special “Dark Dining” dinners. And while it might be tricky to get the blindfold on before the introduction- the four-course meal will give you plenty of time to woo your date’s four remaining senses.

MIDTOWN WEST
Amalia
[85 MacDougal St.] [212.673.8184]

Enjoy cocktails and snacks in the dimly lit subterranean lounge D’Or. Or if you’re ready to confront your subconscious (and a bit more light) head upstairs for dinner at Amalia (aptly named after Freud’s mother.) There you can dine on Mediterranean food and avoid eye contact by gazing at the paintings mounted on the ceiling.

If your date is afraid of a crowd (or of running into his “soon-to-be-ex”) head to one of these super tiny restaurants and introduce yourself to the six other people you’ll be dining with. Let’s just hope he isn’t claustrophobic as well.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Zucco: Le French Diner
[188 Orchard St.] [212.677.5200]

Cozy up in this tiny room where even the wine glasses are miniature (and with Cote de Rhone being a mere $24 a bottle you will be refilling often.) Classic salads and sandwiches (frisee aux lardon and la croque madam are favorites) accompany moules frites, duck confit, and hearty specials.

EAST VILLAGE
Degustation Wine & Tasting Bar
[239 E. 5th St.] [212.979.1012]

Sixteen seats hug an open kitchen that turns out divine small plates. Meander through croquets, poached eggs, and grilled quail on your own or opt for the $50 five-course chef’s tasting. The unobtrusive setting, service, and sound levels are the perfect escape from a crowd.

WEST VILLAGE
Little Havana
[30 Cornelia St.] [212.255.2212]

This hole-in-the-wall, closet-sized Cuban spot is so small that you have to traipse through the kitchen to use the restrooms. But don’t let that discourage you. What the room lacks in size, the kitchen more than makes up for in flavor. Enjoy first-rate ropa vieja, arroz con pollo, and rice and beans.

UPPER WEST SIDE
Voza
[949 Columbus Ave.] [212.666.8602]

While the menu here may seem a bit schizophrenic (it bills itself as French-Italian but really falls all over the map.) The key is to order anything that seems like a southern favorite (even if the mac and cheese is disguised as “macaroni aux deux fromages.”) The crab cakes, pork chop, and roasted corn are all stellar. And the four tables and unassuming neighborhood means the only crowds you will fight here are the locals.

So your parents – regardless of how many times you insist that Little Italy has been eaten by Chinatown and is nothing but a tourist trap – manage to drag you there on their twice yearly visits. Lure them away from Mulberry St. with these choice restaurants. And while they may not see chicken parm on the menu they will find charm, delicious food, and yes, even a little of grandma’s sauce. They won’t be mentioning Little Italy again.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Frankies Spuntino
[17 Clinton St.] [212.253.2303]

Squeeze into this tiny Clinton St. restaurant early and be greeted by crusty bread and absolutely lovely olive oil (if you’re so tempted, it is $25.00 to bring a litter of it home.) Start with a sampling of cheeses, cured meets, and vegetable antipastos. You’ll love the home made cavatelli with hot sausage (or lamb ragu if available) and your parents will be thrilled to see that the old-fashioned meatball made the menu.

WEST VILLAGE
OTTO Enoteca Pizzeria
[1 Fifth Ave.] [212.995.9559]

Use Mario Batali’s Food Network stardom to get out of Little Italy and into his delightfully casual Italian venture. The room is warm and noisy with a buzzing wine bar and patrons passing their dishes around the table. Join in and order everything family style and enjoy fantastic selections of vegetables, pastas, and thin-crust pizzas. Finish the night off with creative gelato (including: olive oil, strawberry balsamic, and sweet corn.)

CHELSEA
Scarpetta
[355 W. 14th St.] [212.691.0555]

You cannot get any simpler than spaghetti with tomato and basil; and you certainly would be hard pressed to find a more delicious version. Indulge in excellently prepared food and a surprisingly reasonable wine list under the retractable glass roof. And be sure not to miss the delightful raviolini and crispy frito misto.

CLINTON HILL, BROOKLYN
Locanda Vini e Olli
[129 Gates Ave.] [718.622.9202]

This pharmacy turned Tuscan eatery (picture: apothecary drawers not your neighborhood Duane Reade) is one of the most charming rooms in town. Your parents will feel right at home as they order “for the table” to begin. Enjoy inventive antipasti, main dishes and a wide range of toothsome and well sauced pastas. You will find plenty of reasons to return, with or without your parents (or a prescription.)

Your mother always said to eat your greens. Show her one better at these eco-friendly eateries where solar power, reclaimed wood, and rickshaw delivery systems share the menu with (mostly) organic eats.

FORT GREENE, BROOKLYN
Habana Outpost
[757 Fulton St.] [718.858.9500]

The corn and frozen mojitos would have been enough to create a following. But Sean Meenan’s unwavering commitment to the community and environment raises boozing and snacking to a civic duty. The Brooklyn offshoot of Soho’s Café Habana was designed entirely with conservation in mind. The furniture is recycled plastic and aluminum, the door salvaged from a church, even the rainwater is collected and reused to water the plants. Add in solar panels and the post office truck turned kitchen and you have New York’s first eco-eatery.

EAST VILLAGE
Birdbath Bakery
[223 First Ave.] [646.722.6565]

At this bakery everything from the floors to the ingredients to their delivery system is totally green. Rickshaws are used to transport their organic baked goods to their other locations (West Village, and soon-to-be-opened Battery Park.) The store itself pays homage with walls made from wheat and sunflower seed, cork floors, and a discount for anyone who shows up via bike. And their croissants are good too.

MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS
Community Food & Juice Bar
[2893 Broadway] [212.665.2800]

The founders of the Lower East Side’s Clinton St. Baking Co. bring their energy and some new energy saving tactics uptown. Greener kitchen equipment, local produce, composting, and tables made of reclaimed wood make indulging in their delightful comfort food even more satisfying. Plus: grass-fed burgers have no calories, right?

CHELSEA
Del Posto
[85 Tenth Ave.] [212.497.8090]

This fine-dining mammoth of a restaurant in no way implies conservation but does practice some impressive eco-friendly moves.  Biodiesel trucks run off used cooking oil and transport compost to an upstate farm and produce back, while bottled water is replaced in favor of filtering and carbonating their own. Definitely makes an expensive (albeit delicious) meal even easier to swallow.