situeating

You flirt shamelessly. He’s says, “Let’s do dinner Thursday night- you pick the place.” You say, “Great it’s a date” and then cringe- is it really a date? Like a date-date? Why did you have to say the word date? And even though he is the one that did the asking, you’re the one feeling like you are about to be rejected – and you have to pick the place. Choose one of these carefully middling restaurants where you can play cordial until you are comfortably feeding each other dessert at the end.

PARK SLOPE, BROOKLYN
Al di la
[248 Fifth Ave.] [718.783.4565]

The communal tables here are not the ruckus they are at say, Kampuchea. But they will still grant you the illusion of being out with a group (even if it is a group that has absolutely no interest in talking to you.) Handmade pastas are superb. As are the braised rabbit and hanger steak. By the time you get to the gianduitto (an amazing chocolate gelato with hazelnuts) you’ll have forgotten everyone else in the room.

EAST VILLAGE
Chiyono
[328 E. 6th St.] [212.673.3984]

This charming Japanese restaurant is hidden in the midst of curry row. Slip in and feel quite far away while you enjoy braised pork belly, miso cod, fried oysters, and plum pickles straight from Iwaki, Japan (and the Chef’s mother’s garden no less.) By the end of the Omakase Tasting (a terrific value at $30) you will feel the urge to never return to the outside world.

FORTE GREENE, BROOKLYN
Pequeña
[86 S. Portland Ave.] [718.643.0000]

Yes, it is small. Which means you’ll have no choice but to be up close and personal with your date. The black bean and plantain quesadilla is fantastic – as are the fish tacos. And really- what better test is there than a couple margaritas to discover that you both have secretly wanted to make out for months.

HARLEM
Zoma
[2084 Frederick Douglass Blvd.] [212.662.0620]

On the one hand sharing your food is quite romantic. On the other, eating with your hands generally is not so much. Zoma magically combines both. The Harlem Ethiopian eatery sports low lights and superbly flavored food. Try one of the samplers for two and feed each other slow cooked stews, lentils, and vegetables with bits of injera- flat bread that here (happily) isn’t as spongy as other Ethiopian joints.

Thanksgiving is here! Which does not mean going to a restaurant for your holiday meal (I don’t care how small your apartment is or how well [fill-in-your-own-restaurant] does it- it’s still sad.) However, after you come out of your Thursday turkey coma and think that you need a least a year before you do that to yourself again. Don’t be fooled- head to one of these restaurants and get another fix.

WEST VILLAGE
The Little Owl
[90 Bedford St.] [212.741.4695]

If you are feeling slightly cheated by your mother’s assault on Thanksgiving (dry turkey, rehydrated potato flakes, and some limp green beans) call a do-over and enjoy some fancier autumnal eats. Start with a bibb salad dressed with pumpkin seed vinaigrette. And then take comfort in the crispy chicken, brussel sprouts, and side of bourbon, maple squash. Finish with the delightful pear crisp.

HARLEM
Sylvia’s
[328 Lenox Ave.] [212.996.0660]

This soul food institution, in addition to glorious ribs and fried chicken, doles out thanksgiving staples – candied yams, mashed potatoes and sweet potato pie – all year long. And if you are against baked chicken as a stand in you can always head up on a Thursday for stewed turkey wings and cornbread dressing.

FORTE GREENE, BROOKLYN
Jive Turkey
[441 Myrtle Ave.] [718.797.1688]

Stop whining that your brother once again stole the turkey leg and head to this turkey factory to get yours. Pick up a combination of fried turkey parts, mashed potatoes, cornbread dressing and yam brulee. Better yet- schedule a second Thanksgiving (with people you can actually stand) and choose from fifteen variations on the full bird including: peach bourbon, red wine cranberry and Cajun.

UPPER WEST SIDE
Kitchenette
[1272 Amsterdam] [212.531.7600]

While it is certainly recommended that you get your fill of turkey meatloaf, mashed potatoes, greens, and gravy – it is the pies here that take center stage. Indulge in first-rate berry, chocolate pecan, pumpkin and classic double-crusted apple by the slice… or the pie. And downtowners don’t need to fret- there is a second location at 156 Chambers St..

When you’re feeling forty-six percent of one thing, forty-eight percent of another, and have no idea what even happened to the missing eight percent maybe its time to try somewhere that does not stay within the defined lines. Head to one of these restaurants that excel in balancing their delicious duality (or three-ality.) And be perfectly content to be all mixed-up.

EAST VILLAGE
Matilda
[647 E. 11th St.] [212.777.3355]

The love child of a Tuscan and Mexican husband/wife team (and aptly named after their actual child) play tricks on both cuisines in their fusion restaurant. There is basil in the guacamole, mozzarella in the quesadillas and Prosecco in the mojito. The key is to forget any rustic yearnings for either cuisine and simply enjoy the quirky (and often quite delightful) combinations.

HARLEM
Talay
[701 W. 135th St.] [212.491.8300]

Two cuisines and two chefs makes Talay really two restaurants in one- but one where neither chef can fully resist the other’s ingredients. Chef Phojanakong of Kuma Inn handles the Thai dishes, while Chef Schwader mans the Latin. The result is being able to get both summer rolls and plantains, beef brisket and lemongrass-garlic baby back ribs.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Les Enfants Terribles
[37 Canal St.] [212.777.7518]

Moroccan. Brazilian. French. You can travel three continents in the course of one meal at this bistro tucked at the southern tip of Ludlow St. The appetizers are small, fussily constructed, and best not shared. The entrees are much more substantial with chicken tangine, casbah lamb, Brazillian fish stew, and typically a confit special rounding out the menu.

FORT GREENE
Abistro
[154 Carlton Ave.] [718.855.9455]

Chef Abdoul Gueye brings you Senegal by way of a French bistro (with a little Asian and American comfort food mixed in.) Indulge in expertly seasoned Sengalese fried chicken, moules frites (in a lemongrass broth), plantain gnocchi, and the absolutely superb spicy bread pudding.

You swooned over his love of animals. And then realized you really missed eating them. When tofu gets old send your new boy packing. After all, a life without cheese (or pork belly, for that matter) may not be worth living.

HARLEM
Dinosaur Bar-B-Que
[646 W. 131st St.] [212.694.1777]

Ravage the flesh off the bone of first-rate pork ribs while your “date” imagines ghostly cries from the former meat factory. With an actual menu heading of, “pulled, sliced, and chopped meats” there will be no mistaking your carnivore intentions. Enjoy Texas brisket, a “big ass pork plate”, and pretty awesome chicken wings – and if you’re feeling generous throw a celery stick to your now just “friend.”

EAST VILLAGE
Momofuku Ssäm Bar
[207 Second Ave.] [212.254.3500]

Home to the whole pork butt, pig’s head torchon, offal and cauliflower that I am quite sure is probably fried in pork’s fat as well. The menu has recently been upgraded from “We do not serve vegetarian-friendly items” to “we have few.” But don’t be fooled, you’ll be in for a wonderful porky treat, and your date will be out the door.

GRAMERCY
Casa Mono
[52 Irving Place] [212.253.2773]

Pass plates of pigs feet, bone marrow, tripe and cock’s combs tapas style. And then pry the sweet corn out of his vegan grip to round out your meal. In the end say it just isn’t going to work out, after all, he hasn’t been very good at sharing.

WILLIAMSBURG
Fette Sau
[354 Metropolitan Ave.] [718.963.3404]

If the 700 pounds of meat coming out of the smoker doesn’t send him running for the hills he might be open to changing his herbivore ways. Your food will be served by weight and on butcher paper. Slather the sauce on, grab a beer, and toast to “fat pigs.”