situeating

You swooned over his love of animals. And then realized you really missed eating them. When tofu gets old send your new boy packing. After all, a life without cheese (or pork belly, for that matter) may not be worth living.

HARLEM
Dinosaur Bar-B-Que
[646 W. 131st St.] [212.694.1777]

Ravage the flesh off the bone of first-rate pork ribs while your “date” imagines ghostly cries from the former meat factory. With an actual menu heading of, “pulled, sliced, and chopped meats” there will be no mistaking your carnivore intentions. Enjoy Texas brisket, a “big ass pork plate”, and pretty awesome chicken wings – and if you’re feeling generous throw a celery stick to your now just “friend.”

EAST VILLAGE
Momofuku Ssäm Bar
[207 Second Ave.] [212.254.3500]

Home to the whole pork butt, pig’s head torchon, offal and cauliflower that I am quite sure is probably fried in pork’s fat as well. The menu has recently been upgraded from “We do not serve vegetarian-friendly items” to “we have few.” But don’t be fooled, you’ll be in for a wonderful porky treat, and your date will be out the door.

GRAMERCY
Casa Mono
[52 Irving Place] [212.253.2773]

Pass plates of pigs feet, bone marrow, tripe and cock’s combs tapas style. And then pry the sweet corn out of his vegan grip to round out your meal. In the end say it just isn’t going to work out, after all, he hasn’t been very good at sharing.

WILLIAMSBURG
Fette Sau
[354 Metropolitan Ave.] [718.963.3404]

If the 700 pounds of meat coming out of the smoker doesn’t send him running for the hills he might be open to changing his herbivore ways. Your food will be served by weight and on butcher paper. Slather the sauce on, grab a beer, and toast to “fat pigs.”

Going out to eat with a vegan typically consists of them scavenging the menu for the one “vegan” item and then praying it isn’t sitting atop a giant slab of meat in the kitchen -OR- going to a vegan restaurant where you have to pretend that the soy-flavored-cardboard is a fair replacement for chicken fingers. Take dinner back at one of these haute vegan eateries- you’ll be impressed that the food is actually food- and they, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of choice.

GRAMERCY
Pure Food & Wine
[54 Irving Place] [212.477.1010]

With a lovely garden, a kitchen that doesn’t cook anything over 118 degrees, and a highly-crafted delectable menu of “raw” food- your date couldn’t be happier than if Thumper was sitting on the table sharing his meal with him. Dishes are prepared with blenders, dehydrators, and good old fashioned knives and whisks. Even the vegan desserts (which normally are more a punishment than a reward) impress.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Teany
[90 Rivington St.] [212.475.9190]

Stop in for afternoon tea for two and sample scones and sandwiches (such as a BLT with tempeh bacon and veganaise.) Additional offerings include a wide variety or salads, sandwiches, and an amazing gazpacho with avocado and mango. For an additional sweet treat head 3 blocks south to Babycakes (248 Broom St.) to indulge in delightful gluten, wheat, dairy, egg, and soy free cupcakes (that are remarkably awesome.)

EAST VILLAGE
Counter
[105 1st Ave.] [212.982.5870]

Toast organic martinis featuring house-made vodka infusions (from herbs grown in their rooftop garden of course.) The room is warm and chic and the menu is far from your usual crunchy-granola fare. The cauliflower risotto, tornados of seitan, vegetable b’steeya, and “burger” (wild mushroom pate) are favorites and with hundreds of organic wines to choose from this date could go quite late into the night.

UPPER EAST SIDE
Candle 79
[154 E. 79th St.] [212.537.7179]

Settle into plush seats and romantic lighting and eat seitan, quinoa, and tempeh until your heart is content. And while cashew “sour cream” on zucchini enchiladas is certainly not the same as the real thing- you and your date with certainly appreciate the attention paid to all the extras. For dessert hope the vegan nutter butter ice cream is part of that night’s sorbet and ice cream tasting.