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So you’ve scored a date with the online lady of your dreams only to wake up realizing you have pinkeye, a lazy eye, acne or some other mild deformity that was obviously altered out of your match.com profile. Slip into one of these dimly lit eateries before she has time to write you off without learning your personality is lacking as well.

PROSPECT HEIGHTS, BROOKLYN
Beast
[638 Bergen St.] [718.399.6855]

The dungeon-esq room and monsters on the wall will do much to soften your shortcomings. And the food will highlight your good taste. Enjoy inventive tapas categorized by element, excellent Spanish cheeses, and a thoughtful wine list. If you chance to spend the night (or strike out bitterly) you can always return for brunch the next morning where chorizo hash and a bloody mary will comfort you.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Suba
[109 Ludlow St.] [212.982.5714]

Head down to the “Grotto” dining room where you can enjoy highly crafted small plates and super creamy rice dishes a top a pool of water. If octopus is on the menu order it- while the tentacles may look like they crawled out of the moat beside you, the crispy suction cups and succulent interior will have both you and your date cheering bravery and its delicious rewards.

WEST VILLAGE
Camaje
[85 MacDougal St.] [212.673.8184]

What better way to trick a blind date than to actually blindfold them? This West Village French-American bistro does just that at their special “Dark Dining” dinners. And while it might be tricky to get the blindfold on before the introduction- the four-course meal will give you plenty of time to woo your date’s four remaining senses.

MIDTOWN WEST
Amalia
[85 MacDougal St.] [212.673.8184]

Enjoy cocktails and snacks in the dimly lit subterranean lounge D’Or. Or if you’re ready to confront your subconscious (and a bit more light) head upstairs for dinner at Amalia (aptly named after Freud’s mother.) There you can dine on Mediterranean food and avoid eye contact by gazing at the paintings mounted on the ceiling.

So your parents – regardless of how many times you insist that Little Italy has been eaten by Chinatown and is nothing but a tourist trap – manage to drag you there on their twice yearly visits. Lure them away from Mulberry St. with these choice restaurants. And while they may not see chicken parm on the menu they will find charm, delicious food, and yes, even a little of grandma’s sauce. They won’t be mentioning Little Italy again.

LOWER EAST SIDE
Frankies Spuntino
[17 Clinton St.] [212.253.2303]

Squeeze into this tiny Clinton St. restaurant early and be greeted by crusty bread and absolutely lovely olive oil (if you’re so tempted, it is $25.00 to bring a litter of it home.) Start with a sampling of cheeses, cured meets, and vegetable antipastos. You’ll love the home made cavatelli with hot sausage (or lamb ragu if available) and your parents will be thrilled to see that the old-fashioned meatball made the menu.

WEST VILLAGE
OTTO Enoteca Pizzeria
[1 Fifth Ave.] [212.995.9559]

Use Mario Batali’s Food Network stardom to get out of Little Italy and into his delightfully casual Italian venture. The room is warm and noisy with a buzzing wine bar and patrons passing their dishes around the table. Join in and order everything family style and enjoy fantastic selections of vegetables, pastas, and thin-crust pizzas. Finish the night off with creative gelato (including: olive oil, strawberry balsamic, and sweet corn.)

CHELSEA
Scarpetta
[355 W. 14th St.] [212.691.0555]

You cannot get any simpler than spaghetti with tomato and basil; and you certainly would be hard pressed to find a more delicious version. Indulge in excellently prepared food and a surprisingly reasonable wine list under the retractable glass roof. And be sure not to miss the delightful raviolini and crispy frito misto.

CLINTON HILL, BROOKLYN
Locanda Vini e Olli
[129 Gates Ave.] [718.622.9202]

This pharmacy turned Tuscan eatery (picture: apothecary drawers not your neighborhood Duane Reade) is one of the most charming rooms in town. Your parents will feel right at home as they order “for the table” to begin. Enjoy inventive antipasti, main dishes and a wide range of toothsome and well sauced pastas. You will find plenty of reasons to return, with or without your parents (or a prescription.)

Your mother always said to eat your greens. Show her one better at these eco-friendly eateries where solar power, reclaimed wood, and rickshaw delivery systems share the menu with (mostly) organic eats.

FORT GREENE, BROOKLYN
Habana Outpost
[757 Fulton St.] [718.858.9500]

The corn and frozen mojitos would have been enough to create a following. But Sean Meenan’s unwavering commitment to the community and environment raises boozing and snacking to a civic duty. The Brooklyn offshoot of Soho’s Café Habana was designed entirely with conservation in mind. The furniture is recycled plastic and aluminum, the door salvaged from a church, even the rainwater is collected and reused to water the plants. Add in solar panels and the post office truck turned kitchen and you have New York’s first eco-eatery.

EAST VILLAGE
Birdbath Bakery
[223 First Ave.] [646.722.6565]

At this bakery everything from the floors to the ingredients to their delivery system is totally green. Rickshaws are used to transport their organic baked goods to their other locations (West Village, and soon-to-be-opened Battery Park.) The store itself pays homage with walls made from wheat and sunflower seed, cork floors, and a discount for anyone who shows up via bike. And their croissants are good too.

MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS
Community Food & Juice Bar
[2893 Broadway] [212.665.2800]

The founders of the Lower East Side’s Clinton St. Baking Co. bring their energy and some new energy saving tactics uptown. Greener kitchen equipment, local produce, composting, and tables made of reclaimed wood make indulging in their delightful comfort food even more satisfying. Plus: grass-fed burgers have no calories, right?

CHELSEA
Del Posto
[85 Tenth Ave.] [212.497.8090]

This fine-dining mammoth of a restaurant in no way implies conservation but does practice some impressive eco-friendly moves.  Biodiesel trucks run off used cooking oil and transport compost to an upstate farm and produce back, while bottled water is replaced in favor of filtering and carbonating their own. Definitely makes an expensive (albeit delicious) meal even easier to swallow.